The · Grand · Gubbins

so i guess i'm officially growed-up. or close to it. today marks my 21st year of living. i slept over alisa's last night because for my birthday she wanted treat me to a nice sunday brunch, so the two of us got dressed up (which included me wearing the gorgeous becca shoes) and went to the restaurant on the top floor of the hilton. i have never seen such a beautiful buffet with such a variety. and i got to have champagne on top of it!

after brunch, we went to macy's to pick up some stuff that alisa had ordered and, like the smart girls we are, decided to try on some swimwear after eating. ha! was that FUN (sarcasm, dripping with sarcasm). then we went back to the apartment and i headed home, though i stopped by bath and body works to get a rubber ducky for margaret who is pastor jonathan's mother, for her birthday because she is big into baths. (aside: it was jonathan's (who is our english family friend) graduation this weekend, so we've had (english) derek, margaret, and (san diegoan) maggie (jonathan's fiance, who is standing next to him) staying with us and timmy came home so we've had a PACKED house, but it's been fun). while buying that, i saw a magnolia perfume and couldn't resist as magnolia's are my FAVORITES, so that was my little present to myself. then i went home, hung out with my family and my brother's friends and some church friends, played a few rounds of knock-out with my bro and his buddies (and actually won a few, though i haven't played basketball in who knows how long...maybe it was a birthday miracle), then went to church. after church, maggie, margaret, and my mom had a little birthday party (since all of our birthdays are within the next few weeks) in my room, where we did girly stuff like painting our toenails and chatted and had yummy food. it was a really sweet, fun time. the best part, however, was when we had cake, because instead of each blowing out a candle and making a wish, we all made wishes for eachother. after that (around 9) alisa came over from babysitting and she and i and timmy and his friends played some intense rounds of spoons and slap jack (during which i got a few birthday calls, and people were jokingly like "are you WASTED" and i was like, "NOO i'm playing SPOONS!" ah good wholesome fun) . following this alisa and i talked for a good while--until about 12 exactly--over a glass of wine. and not just any wine. wine that i (being the ridiculous sort i am) had saved some 5 years because i got it at this annual christmas eve party that my dad's cousin, earl and his wife carren throw annually, that always has a white elephant sort of gift exchange. the wine was in a bottle shapped like a cat, and as i was 16 at the time, i really wasn't aiming to pick out a gift that, wrapped, resembled an alcoholic beverage; however it happend and i decided to just keep it instead of passing it on and then drink it on my 21st. and so i did. and it tasted like crap because it turned out to be white wine and i guess it doesn't age well. but i drank it in with good conversation, which made it palatable--more than palatable. quite special really, and a good start to a 21st year.

so it's 3:45 in the morning here and i don't know why i'm awake because i went to bed at like 12:30 and i can't blame it on jetlag because it's only 6:30 in d.c. sooooo i shouldn't be awake there either. BAHHHHHHHHHHH! maybe it's because yesterday was so great--a glorious return indeed. my mom keeps saying "all is right in the world now" and though we both know that, as important as i am, the rightness of the world is not quite so easily achieved, the sentiment is certainly appreciated and it is nice to know that i was missed. a lot. i saw all my friends tonight, er, rather last night (since it's 3 IN THE MORNING WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?????) and it was great--really great. i drove into usf to go to the sii graduation ceremony because i knew 12 of the 14 seniors graduating in the program and knew that at least frances would be there, and totally surprised just about everyone. it was really touching that everyone was so excited to see me. after the mass and a nice dinner, i drove to alisa's apartment and got to finally see her and tim. wonderful and crazy that it didn't feel like 11 months had passed. i also got to see her two adorable dogs and they made me want a dog soooooo badly. it's weird not having dogs anymore. plus my cat is on the brink of dying. i thought i killed her today (unintentionally of course) because she's gotten into this strange habit of sleeping on our stairs, and i was bringing down a load of laundry and stepped on her. she somehow managed to fly up the stairs behind me (and i say somehow because nowadays even sauntering to get food--and this cat LIKES to eat--is a great effort) without me seeing as i lost control of the laundry basket but managed to kind of throw it toward the bottom of the stairs so that it wouldn't land on her. this action resulted in the emptying of the hamper all over the steps in heaps, with the largest being a step below where she had been sitting. i waited a few seconds, and the heap didn't move and i thought, good god, i haven't been here twenty-four hours and i've killed the cat and for a moment thought i ought to become a professional pet killer (though let's hope there is no such profession) between alejandro the turtle and this. i was pleasantly surprised to find sheeba unscathed at the top of the stairs, looking as though nothing had happened. perhaps in addition to the slowness and the gauntness and the frumpy coat she has kitty alzheimer's as well. poor dear. so anyway, alisa's dogs were so sweet and now i want a not-dying/dead pet, but i know i can't have one because i'll be in an apartment next year and then who knows what i'll be doing. so i looked at this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Uglydog.jpg because i thought it would help. instead it just made me still want a dog but a not-ugly one. ah well, i tried. after alisa's, i met up with andy and dave at this english pub called the pig and whistle near usf that he and some of his buddies go to for don da da daaaaaa...quiz night! i know! and that was great--incredible really--to see andy. and then i drove home. home. wow it's nice to be able to say that. i was a bit afraid i might have lost my fondness for the settled life after being unsettled for nearly a year. but it's come back and i've been pleasantly surprised at how ever so quickly. and on that note, i think it's time to go to bed.

and now i'm heading home. i feel like i'm in a dream and i know once i land and for a few days--perhaps even a few weeks-- after, life will be just plain surreal. but then i'll adjust. we always do. my flight leaves at 4 pm today out of RONALD REGAN (did anyone else see that 60 minutes?) national airport and i'll be arriving in the city by the bay around 8 pm. i really can't wait to see my family and friends, but i'm going to miss moni and her family. i've had a great time with them in d.c. and maryland. i know i haven't written about any of it nor about the end of spain and england, but now is not the time as i must pack up so that moni and i can go to the hirshhorn (modern art museum in d.c.) before going to the airport. but i will do a final entry summing up everything when i get home and then the grand gubbins will be done. wow. i still can't believe that 11 months has passed, yet at the same time that such a short period of time could hold in it such memories--could have such meaning.

so i´ve been in barcelona for three days now and am having a wonderfully relaxing time. the hostel that fred and i are staying at, though the showers aren´t nicest and the free breakfast is hardly deserving of the appelation--merely a juice box and a small package of muffins--it´s location can´t be beat in the old town area of barcelona right across the street from the main dock and a five minute walk from the beach. we´ve kind of just been exploring and doing whatever we feel up to. yesterday we saw most of gaudi´s work in the city--casa mila, the park that he designed and the catedral del familia segrada. they were all splendid--his architecture is just so natural and it almost looks as though some giant hands came down and molded them out of clay or something, though i think my favorite part about his work is his use of mosaic. today the weather was actually good enough for a beach day and as last night fred and i out for dinner and were out kind of late we slept in and then hit the beach, doing lot of reading and just relaxing in the sun and accumulating freckles. we also quickly jumped in the water which was...refreshing. the last time i swam in the ocean was in the english channel with judith at the end of the summer and that was my first time in the med, so it was, well great, though necessarily brief in order to avoid hyperthermia. well that´s kind of an exaggeration. but anyway, barcelona is beautiful and it´s wonderful getting to speak spanish here and there. i didn´t quite realize how much i missed it and it´s defintely inspiring me to try and become more proficient with the language when i get back home. maybe i´ll volunteer in hte mission or something when i get back. tonight fred and i are going to this dance club where there is salsa, etc. with these two sisters from belgium who are staying in my room who are super nice and asked us if we wanted to go with them. for the past couple of days we´ve been trying to get into the picasso museum, but the line is always like 2 blocks long, so i think we might try to do that tomorrow, or walk around the park. perhaps catch a service in spanish too as it is sunday. so yeah, just a lot of good times and relaxing. i´m really glad that fred decided to come with me--we´ve had some good chats and both are pretty relaxed and it´s just nice to have a companion. on the 26th i leave for bilbao to visit roberta so i´ll prob update then. until then, adios.

sooooooo i managed to make it through the final week of papers, tests, packing, farewells, and all. i realized as nathan, ian, the two amandas and i made a last trip around the city friday afternoon, with the late afternoon sun streaming through the spires and rooftops that i will indeed miss that city and the memories it holds, as ready as i am to move on.
i spent easter and the past few days with the shaws which was oh so nice as i've been feeling ready to go home more and more as the days go by. it's kind of like when you have to pee super bad and the closer you get to the toilet the more intense the having-to-pee feeling gets. hey, it's totally a valid analogy. anyway, so other than having to sign up for classes (comp, robots and java, world lit., gallery internship, art & business, and flamenco), deal with a ridiculous banking situation (someone got ahold of my debit card info and made a small charge so my bank put my acct. on hold last thurs which meant that the only way i could get out cash was to call my parents yesterday who then called this special b of a number which took the hold off for like 2 minutes and so i could take out money. it was rather hilarious, and i felt like i was on some like secret mission, with my dad on the phone with me and my mom on the phone wiht the bank guy and them coordinating exactly when i could make the transaction...yes, i am a nerd.) the past few days have been lovely and relaxing. and now, actually in a minute i'm going to be getting on a train to go to gatwick and then on a plane to barcelona. i booked a hostel for fred and i which is like a five minute walk from the beach. other than that, we haven't planned anything, so it should be an interesting time--i don't really know what to expect. but i feel like those vacations are the best. ooh ahhhh i need to leave now. will update in a few days in spain at an internet cafe or something. hasta luego.

i took this in london (houses of parliament) and for some reason feel like it adequately reflects the blurred nature of the past week and the week to come. george, george's brother, paul, abbey, becca and i made a last trip there yesterday and had a giant picnic in st. james' park and walked around one last time.
today we're going punting on the themes. the jcr committee planned this "pirate punting party". should be a good time, though when i get back i HAVE to write my paper so that tomorrow i can study, because allison (eriks' friend that's studying in england and coming to visit oxford for 2 days) is coming and then i have the test on thursday.
this week is my last in oxford, and between trying to get myself to do work, spending as much time as possible with friends, people visiting, figuring out how to pack everything, and planning for spain (at this point, it's 6 days in barcelona, 3 in bilbao and my friend fred, who is really nice, is going to come with me for the first half. i don't know him especially well, but he seems chill and has hung out A LOT with amanda (if you catch my drift...haha. sorry amanda, i love to tease you!) and she has only good things to say about him. in bilbao i'll be with berta, so i won't be completely alone during the trip, which is nice) and summer stuff it's going to be CRAZY! so i probably won't be online much and will have to update later. i hope that everyone is doing well and i'm certainly getting excited to see you soon!

so i woke up still feeling ill and decided not to go on the field trip and instead did a lot of sleeping and kind of went through things so the the whole packing process will be a bit easier when it comes in three weeks. i also did my laundry which brings us to the story of the day:

sometime around 4 pm i realize that my laundry has been in the dryer for the past 2 hours and must be done, so i trudge over to the laundry room in my black and white heart pj bottoms and tank top, well just looking like the sickly mess i am, and i open the laundry room door, and lo and behold i see dr. philpott pulling my laundry out of the dryer! apparently the cmrs senior tutor does his laundry on field trip days! i must have had the weirdest expression on my face and just looked thoroughly confused (for i was thoroughly confused) and i think i kind of surprised him. upon hearing the door open, he looks up and says (in his philpott way) "oh, does this belong to you?"
"um, yes. sorry, i didn't realize anyone else would need the dryer. here i'll do that," i awkwardly reply and start to quickly put my laundry in my hamper.
"aren't you supposed to be in bath?" he asks me, and i tell him how i've been ill and we make small talk for a minute or so, and he tells me to make sure i drink enough water and actually is quite good-humoured. so, remarkably, philpott and i bonded today...over laundry. what a strange, strange world this is. i'm just glad he didn't catch me taking out his laundry. now THAT would have been awkward.

so it's on to flu no. 2 now...and no, moni, i'm not trying to kill myself. i am just doomed. here i am thinking i served my time and am done with being sickly after my bout with the flu two weekends ago, and then i wake up to extreme stomach pain. apparently one type of flu isn't enough. i have to catch the weird stomach viral thing that rena, lindsey, and abbey had last week (it's like this yucky crampy, feels-like-i-got-punched-in-the-stomach, don't-make-me-move-out-of-the-fetal-position kind of sick which at first, i freaked out about and thought might be appendicitis, but then found out that that's the way the other girls felt last week, so phew!) the good news is it's more of a 24-hour thing, so hopefully by tomorrow i'll be fine. i did a whole lot of lying around, and (courtesy of becca, who claims it's "the ultimate sick movie") watched stand by me, which i totally saw as a kid and have been wondering about for years, because there's this scene where the four boys walk through this swampy area and get leeches all over themselves, even "down there", and i totally have had a fear of leeches ever since i saw that, but couldn't for the life of me remember what movie that scene was from. so yeah, that's about the best thing that happened to me today. well i guess that and how many people stopped by and were willing to help me out. that's always nice. anyway, i'm going to get some more sleep.

p.s. i never want to see another saltine cracker or ginger ale again. seriously.

so i was sick and then i was lazy this past week, so here i am playing catch-up, with photos from the trip to london with dio, ben and becca, what i've been working on journal-wise, and friday night at freud (an amazing jazz club that's in this used to be church that looks like a roman temple. saturday and yesterday were pretty laid back--reading of women in love (lawrence), attempting to memorize t.s. eliot, hanging out with people, french market on broad street, walks in the rain in christ church...
today marks the beginning of the second week of integral--the time's a-flying indeed!

our insufferably blue room in london that i spent FAR too much time in on saturday being sick

at the peak of my sickness and delirious, i'm ashamed to admit that it crossed my mind that perhaps when di took this photo i had gotten bird flu...

dio at the top of the london eye

incredible view of lovely london

old bookstore we found on fieldtrip to hampton court palace last wednesday


george doing what he does best

a bunch of us at freud

friends


the journal i made

title page (as per andy's request)



some sketches

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, T.S. Eliot

S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse. Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.


Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-destered streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights i one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To ead you to an overwhelming question...
Oh, do not ask, 'What is it?'
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-
panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-
panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
there will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That life and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, 'Do I dare? and, 'Do I dare?'
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair--
[They will say: 'How his hair is growing thin!']
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My nectie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin--
[They will say: 'But how his arms and legs are thin!']
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all--
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all--
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?

And I have known the arems already, known them all--
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]
Is it perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?
. . . . .
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?...
I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
. . . . .
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep...tired...or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald]
brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet--and here's no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternall Footman hold my coat, and
snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhlming question,
To say: 'I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Coem back to tell you all, I shall tell you all' --
If one, settling a pilow by her head,
Should say: 'That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.'

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor --
And this, and so much more? --
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns
on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
'That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.'
. . . . .
No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool
Deferetial, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous--
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old...I grow old...
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the
beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

so i have been slacking off on the whole updating thing because...DIO IS VISITING!!! we're having a great time...exploring oxford, playing cmrs soccer, making journals, watching eddy scissorhands and making popcorn, and braving the cold for a little fish and chips at the trout
tomorrow we leave for london until sunday with george and ben and we're meeting abbey and her two friends there too so it should be a good time indeed.
here are some photos from the past few days:

abbey, isabelle, dio, me, and casey on our way to a club after having mexican food dio and i cooked

dio and i post football game sitting in a field of daffodils in uni park

at the trout waiting for our food (and yes i'm getting paler every second...looking forward to a little spanish sun in about a month!!! and jealous of ms. amanda who is there with berta this weekend, though i'll be careful to wear sunscreen after seeing moni and the aftermath of her florida weekend...)
if this trip is anything like the last i'm bound to have some 300+ photos to share and great stories so hopefully my next entry will be a bit more interesting. on another note, i've been realizing just how much i miss home having dio here, but i only have about 2 more months! (i know...CRAZY! it's been about 9 months since i've left...babies have been conceived and born in that time, not that that's in any way related, but it kind of puts it into perspective...) which should go by in a flash. well my roommate's friend is trying to sleep and dio's looking tired so i best be going. okay until then, missing you ~liz

three final (which means at least 3000 words) papers due within the next three days. i'm almost done with my philosophy one which is due tomorrow at 3:30, but then i have an art history one to write due thursday morning, and a seminar one due friday at 5 pm (both of which i haven't started) bahhhhh once friday 5:01 comes around i'll be free though!!! i have to go to the sackler to do research in a half hour, but i need a little break from the work, so i decided to update (as i haven't been so good about doing that as of late). basically i've just been working and having fun here and there. this weekend we had a goonies and popcorn night for which we abbey and i filled this giant pot with homemade popcorn


also we had our last football game and WE WON 3-0 and I SCORED which was fun...though i'm soooo sore and have bruises everywhere because it was pretty intense, but that's the way i like it!
keble women's team
happy that we won

oh, i almost forgot, last week it snowed hardcore and caitlin and amanda and i went frolicking. here are caitlin and i near the radcliffe camera

so yeah there's a brief update. wish me luck on these next three days! luckily i have dionisia coming to visit to look forward to!

sixth week is over and it's on to seventh week.
what happened this week:
papers on da vinci and scotus
rushmore
hair cutting session numero uno (amanda, caitlin, and a little of my hair)
soccer practice (and cancellation of game today BOOOOOO)
mardi gras party
let the games begin

team mardi gras...don't mess with aleks
lindsay sandwich
lindsay "sadwich"
reading of candide
watched the oxford women's team lose by one to cambridge with lindsey (it was a nice walk though and great to see girls REALLY getting into it and being aggressive! i have renewed faith in english women athletes!)
hair cutting session numero dos (karen, becca, and A LOT of my hair!!!...i know, i know, i've been trying to grow my hair out, but it was sooo damaged, so...
...i'm back to short, but hopefully by hawaii it will be shoulderlength again and i can have a ponytail
watched saved
finished candide
church
drawing of next in series...not done yet though. will post later.
and now i have to finish rousseau's social contract, so on to that. peace out.

just got back from getting a massage with becca, and it was....indescribable. i am so relaxed it's almost ridiculous. the coolest thing though is that i think i could totally do that to someone else, now that i've actually had a real massage (though the ones i've gotten from friends were great, especially moni :) ), now i know a few more techniques. last night i cut amanda and caitlin's hair and then i ended up deciding that mine needed to be cut, so amanda gave me a trim and it's quite a bit shorter, but i like it--like chin length, and it feels so much healthier. not the shortest it's ever been, but pretty short, but i still have a pony tail which is good for soccer. so yeah lots of beauty stuff going on and being silly girls...now i have to muster up enough energy to transform back from a silly girl into a (semi)serious student and finish the scotus paper and research for one on da vinci, but maybe i'll savour this after-massage ultra-relaxed state for just a few more minutes...

so it's bad enough that the food is unsavory and that the staff are sometimes rude to us, but my buttons we're finally pushed to the limit today when caitlin and i went to go to their gym (which isn't even a gym, but rather a small shed with two bikes, a treadmill, two rowing machines and rusty weights). now i've been kind of just going up to this point, but i decided to be moral and sign up because i felt bad and it wouldn't take too long, so i go to the porter, and it just so happens that the one really mean porter is on duty and i tell him that i want to sign up, and he gets me a form and recognizes caitlin and gives her the key, and just as we're about to go he says, "Ho, wait, wait, wait...you have to pay twenty pounds". but the thing is, since there's only a handful of us and we're only here for one term, the head porter told caitlin and everyone else we didn't have to pay (because they already are making so much money off of us from the food and it would be such a rip-off). so we tell him this, and he says "which porter told you this?" and caitlin said the head porter, and he says, "well read this, it says students have to pay twenty pounds" and were like, "yes we realized that but we were told that since we're only here for a month and a half we don't have to pay" and he says, "well i have to go ask the burser," and he comes back with this smug look on his face and says "the burser says OF COURSE you have to pay," and then to caitlin "you shouldn't have told me that you hadn't paid" and he takes the key her and says "cheers". i was fuming. i mean, as unfair as it is for them to charge us that much money, there was NO reason for him to be rude. i don't like causing trouble or arguing, but i will not tolerate unnecessary rudeness. i mean mostly i just pity people like that, because they must be pretty unhappy to feel like they have to upset others....ah well. so caitlin and i came back to cmrs and got out our anger over a poor man's meal (we didn't even feel like going to lunch at st. peter's or walking through the doors for tha matter) with lindsay and becca and decided to talk to dr. feneley about it tomorrow. if they don't want to give us a reduced rate for the gym, they're allowed to, but the rudeness has got to stop. then the four of us walked in the hail (the weather has been absolutely insane today) to christ church which was really fun. dad just called so i think i'm going to end here (apologies for the rant, but sometimes you just have to get it out...life is really quite good other than that little episode, especially since tomorrow i have a massage and a "crew date" with my football team and the brasenose football boys to look forward to!)

so on the bus coming back from working with nathaneal today this man in his sixties or so who was just a little deranged, after helping a young girl with her groceries to the extent that he was not being helpful, decided to talk to me about the horridness that is my handwriting. your penmanship has to be pretty bad to get reprimanded by a complete stranger (not to meantion a deranged one). i was writing in my planner and he looks across the way and says, "terrible, terrible. where is your fountain pen?" and i was like, "um i don't own one..." and he was like "then you can't write. let me see your handwriting." and then he looks and he says "that's terrible" and i was like, "um, uh, well i wasn't trying..." and then he goes on for about two minutes about how it takes heart and intellect and spirit to write well and that in america they judge you based on your handwriting. and then i go (instead of just letting the conversation end there, like i shoud have) "well i'm from san francisco, and i don't think anyone has ever judged my character based on my handwriting" and that lead him to talking about how he has a daughter in florida for two more bus stops...and as kind of awkward as the situation was (though it brought back some silly memories from the sf buses...cece you know what i'm talking about) it got me thinking about handwriting and whether people do acutally judge others and how much you can tell about a person by looking at their penmanship. when i try, i can write decently in cursive, but typically my writing is pretty cryptic (cryptic being a euphemism for total chickenscratch). i can read it, but other people have a hard time. but someone told me not too long ago that they liked it and that i write differently than most girls, and i was like, you mean illegibly? he said he meant in a good way. anyway, that's my story. now onto the scotus paper (like that paulseph? i left out the duns just for you!) word.

by three thirty on thursday i just couldn't believe that i actually survived this week. but i did survive and was thrilled beyond all belief that it was my weekend. since i got about two hours of sleep on wednesday night, i slept for like four hours after class and then woke up to go to bible study, which was great as usual. afterwards we watched corpse bride, which was incredible...i totally love tim burton's style...it's dark but beautiful and totally captivating. speaking of tim burton, i'm going to see the edward scissorhands ballet with teresa and lindsey eighth week which i'm really excited about. friday i watched la nina de tus ojos with lindsey--a movie with penelope cruz about some spanish actors in germany doing a film during the rise of hitler and nazism...pretty good storyline, but what made it great was that it was all in spanish. then i went and worked with nathaneal for the first time on my own and it went really well. i can't tell which one of us is going to benefit more from it, which i suppose is a good thing. that night caitlin was on duty, and we felt bad about not going to the gym for the past few days, so we ran all over cmrs up and down the stairs and then did crunches in the phone hall...pretty silly, but also quite fun. then i ended up hanging out with a bunch of the new kids and having some wine and balsams (i got them to help finish like 3/4 of the bottle, which is a very good thing) and it was a really good time. i'm looking forward to integral and spending more time with them and getting to know them. yesterday i played soccer with the cmrs kids for like three hours (it was the four boys against caitlin and lindsey and me) and my team lost, but we didn't give up and i scored twice, so it wasn't too humilating. we ended up just being really rough with each other and the field was muddy so we were slipping everywhere, which made it an even better time. after that caitlin and i cleaned up a bit and then went to the gym before going to dinner. when we got back i talked to vanessa for like an hour, which was incredible. it haven't heard her voice since i've been here. as great as aim and emailing are, there really is something nice about hearing someone's voice. i mean, sure you can imagine it when you read an email from them or whatever, but it isn't the same. we talked about hawaii and booking rooms and what not, and everyday i'm getting more and more excited. i mean i've been traveling and "on vacation" for sooooo long, but at the same time, it hasn't really been a vacation in the "i don't need to do anything and can just relax and explore" sense. so i'm really looking forward to that. it'll just be great to spend time with people i care about in a relaxed (not to mention crazy beautiful) setting. speaking of travelling, i've decided that as my last hurrah before leaving for the states i'm going to go to spain for ten days. i found a flight to seville for about 8 pounds, so i'm thinking i'm going to fly there, stay for two days, and then train it to madrid, then valencia, then barcelona, and finally bilbao where i'll stay with roberta for a few days. i'm kind of sad that andy's no longer there, but i'm sure that berta will show me a good time. at first i was a little apprehensive about travelling alone again, but i think it'll be nice to be on my own and then end up with a friend. so i'm starting to get excited about that. well i need to do some reading before my football game. i'll leave you with a drawing i just did (tim burton inspired...man i wish i could come up with my own style...ah well i have time i guess...)

fun v-day. got cards and ROSES (for all the girls) from james which was AMAZIN'! then caitlin, lindsey, alicia, and amanda and i went to g & d's for treats

lindsey, amanda, caitlin, alicia

then we came back and made a video/took photos to send to james with all the girls to say thanks




oh and yes that's a whale sticker on my head...james sent it to me and i've been wearing it since 3 pm in honor of him. philpott called me "ms. whale" in colloquium. i think it's pretty scary, but think it might be good therapy...help me get over my phobia...or maybe not

ANYWAY...then at 4:30 had colloquium and talked about luther, and a group of us then watched i heart huckabees and ate chocolate covered strawberries and had a few glasses of champagne. and now i'm going to read henry of ghent. this whole valentine's thing is kind of growing on me...i mean chocolate and roses and fun photos. or maybe we could just do that any day. not the roses bit. so yeah, good day :) happy valentine's day to all.

i feel rather silly that i spent nearly an hour in arcadia sifting through old postcards, reading short correspondances between people i will never know. i've been intent on beginning a collection of them since last term, but today was the first day in months that the four boxes stuffed with hundreds of long forgotten well wishes and anecdotes made an appearance. so of course i took advantage of the golden opportunity and sifted through them, looking for the one that i wanted to start my collection with. though i certainly didn't make it through all of them, within the ones i did look through i found four from the same guy, some Archie in Italy, written to his parents back in suffolk between 1912 and 1918, and i couldn't help but be intrigued. this was my favorite and the one i ended up buying.

it reads
Rome: July 5th, 1912
Dear Father & Mother,
Sorry I wasn't able to write you a letter yesterday. I was quite busy until late in the evening. I had a little time free in the middle of the day, but I went sight-seeing. Hope you are quite well. This change is doing wonders for me, although it is so hot that the perspiration streams down as you walk about.
Fondest love, Archie

Speaking of love...Valentine's day is tomorrow and Becca and i decided that because, unlike the rest of the girls here (or so it seems), since we are not getting fun packages from boyfriends or what have you, we're going to have our own day of indulgence with champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries, and no work, and ...MASSAGES at this place on high st. ...well actually it's not out of jealousy or really caring that it's valentine's day, but more that we want to do it and it's a good excuse to do it. so that should be fun!

after making a run to sainsbury's to buy stuff to make choc dipped strawberries, making the strawberries, reading hume, going to tea with alix i'm back at cmrs ready to continue on hume and do a little henry of ghent reading for philosophy. tonight i'm going to get to watch corpse bride because teresa's parents sent it (i've been wanting to see it forever...tim burton's just too cool for his own good). so yeah that's my day.

the weekend was pretty relaxing...mostly did a lot of hanging out with people, going to the gym, running in christ church, going to church, wtaching movies/shows (hook, seinfeld, x-files, working on the painting with lindsey and meaghan), and doing bit of reading. well i better get back to hume, but wishing you all a happy v-day...
fondest love,
elizabeth

so john henry and cory and i were talking about physics the other night...well i was asking questions and they were giving me answers about typical things like why light can be in the form of waves and of particles, black holes, etc...and then it came to how is it that time cannot exist. and i finally got an answer that made sense, and this was that everything has happened and is happening, and there are just all these instantaneous points that exist at the same time, and it is our consciousness which hops between these points. who knows if that's right or not, but it made sense to me. anyway, where i'm going with this is my consciousness hopped far too quickly this week--like i'm kind of confused how today can possibly be thursday. it totally feels like monday, but nope it's thursday, which i'm not complaining about because that means IT'S THE WEEKEND...oh man!!! soooo anyway, rather than my conscious going hopping-crazy or that some time monster ate my monday, tuesday, and wednesday, it's probably more likely due to the busy nature of my life as of late, doing the following:

monday:
--went headington to meet nathaneal (12 year old autistic boy i'm volunteering with once a week. i'm going to be helping out with his educational program. he's absolutely adorable and his family's super nice so i think it's going to be a great experience) and niccola (nathaneal's mom); the 3 mile walk took me about an hour. i wisened up and took the bus for the other trips.
--bodleian for a few hours to read dolce's discourse on painting
--berkeley reading (three dialogues)...pretty strange concept, that everything exists only in the mind
--debate at the oxford union about the necessity of God and whether he exists or existence can be explained through memes...i was hoping it would be more focused on creationism vs. evolution, but it was interesting nonetheless

tuesday:
--gym in the morning
--reading at sackler
--went to nathaneal's to observe another volunteer work with him and see how the educational program works...it's a lot of simple tasks like getting him to locate objects and role marbles and showing him flash cards to increase his mental vocabulary, even though he can't talk, etc.
--more berkeley reading

wednesday:
--finished berkeley
--reread aquinas' analysis of aristotle's posterior analytics...syllogistic reasoning, scientia, etc...
--seminar with crowe...i like him more and more every seminar. he's just too brilliant and hilarious...we somehow at the end got on the topic of snuff (you know as in snuff boxes and 17th century france...it's basically a finely ground tobacco powder which is scented/flavoured that you sniff), and he told us this hilarious story about how he tried to get it to become popular again like 15 years ago, but didn't succeed and how at the time he knew this tutor that was like 70 and actually addicted to the stuff. he'd keep a bowl of it on his desk and sniff it during tutorials and was always sneezing and had traces of it across the front of his sweater...so anyway, apparently this guy went to the doctor, and the doctor was like, "congratualtions, you're the first englishman since the 17th century to have an addiction to snuff!" so ben and becca and i got some, just for kicks--i didn't realize that they even still make the stuff! and we tried a little last night, and it was interesting...it was just like smelling something and left a nice scent in your nose, but apparently today becca and ben woke up to snuff-colored snot, so i think we're done with snuff, but it was fun to try.
--4.5 hours in the bodleian researching for art history essay on humanism
--reading and beginning of essay

today:
--two tutorials
--got a postcard from ginny (yea!!!) and a package with 10 valentine's from james to distribute to everyone (including philpott and crowe hehe) on the 14th--YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!!
--celebratory ice cream at g&d's with becca and karen
--dinner with amanda
--long chat with lisa
and now it's TIME for BED because i'm sleepy... and tomorrow i'm actually going to get up and go the gym with caitlin and i have to be alert because lindsey and i are having our first spanish session...we've decided we're going to have one every friday to practice, so that should be excellent...no he hablado en espanol hasta...pues, no se. pienso que sera divertido...o muy dificil! ah well. at least we're making the effort! ok, buenos noches!

so it's superbowl sunday and i'm too tired to make it through the whole game...well it is almost 2 am here, and i guess i could care less whether the seahawks or the steelers win (sorry for all those who do care...) so i'm going to do a quick update and turn in.
yesterday was football day for cmrs which was a good time:
here's the cmrs soccer crew

the winning team (my team of course...pshhh)
trying to lift me up

soccer buddies

last night i was on duty so i just kind of took it easy...made chinese food which was good (i'm trying to fatten george up, because he has the skinniest legs! lindsay and i were totally making fun of him--poor george. but seriously, he looks like a starving african child, except that he's smiling and white...but anyway), watched "taxi driver" (bizarre movie), read "four loves" (the cs lewis book i'm reading right now), talked to alisa which was great, and practiced viola for a while

today was amazing--it was the cmrs scavenger hunt (go jcr this term--way to be creative!), with clues brilliantly crafted by dr. crowe (my seminar professor and perhaps the most intelligent man in the world) and a prize for the winning team of free ice cream at g & d's. my team should have won because it was by far the coolest, comprised of me, george, lindsay, dan, and teresa; however, we came in third. but we had a great time anyway. here are the clues and photos we took to prove we found the places.
"Beguiling winter chill and ruddy noses, A quest for those who scavenge but to learn, Your Corvus now proposes.
Assemble proofs or tokens of each place in turn, A leaflet or a true representation, And in this manner victor's laurels earn.
The frist to do so basks in admiration, Inestimable honour is their due. The worst receives a different libation: It could be you!"

THE FIRST, a house of fear and awe
For those deparing from the law.
Its cells and manacles now yield
To five-star rooms and three-course meals.

THE SECOND is a scene where are unfurled
The dramas of this stage-play world.
It's name recals two beacons of the acting life,
Who (more than once) were man and wife.

THE THIRD, a treasure-house of world renown,
Elias' lasting gift to his beloved town,
Displays in stately galleries and cases
The artefacts of dead and living races.

THE FOURTH, in Oxford's Broadest thoroughfare,
Remembers what once happened there:
A cobbled testament to martyrs' memory,
An episode burned into Oxford history.

grrrrrr the opponents...man lindsey can be intimidating when she's not on your team--i love it!

THE FIFTH: an antechamber to the noble Bodley,
A place wherein those seeking to be godly
May once have gazed at fan-vaulted sublimity
As they were tested in Divinity.

THE SIXTH, in Oxford's smallest ancietn college
Provides anachronistic knowledge
Of hours and times of day (but not of night),
And only tells the truth when it is bright.

THE SEVENTH is a fragrant place of sweet repose.
Exotic blooms rub petals with the English rose.
Her Botany and Horticulture find
Themselves along the Cherwell's banks entiwined.

THE EIGHTH, another house of wonder, shows
A wealth of Mother Nature's curios.
Observe, when nearing the museum (if you can)
The oldest ever pancake known to man!

us eating the "pancake"

THE NINTH obliges you to be now northward-bound,
For in the road called Northmoor will be found
(At No. Twenty-Something; who can say?)
The house where Frodo first saw light of day.

THE TENTH, a place where halt and sick and lame
Are cared for in great Dr. Radcliffe's name.
The Road to Woodstock here will ever keep
A stone-bound Triton, emissary of the deep.

From thence the weary travellers proceed
Across the way to satisfy their need
For restoration. Thither must each quester wend:
The Quercus Regis: journey's end.

third place and proud with dr. crowe outside the royal oak

after that i came back to cmrs, had some food, talked to mom and dad which was nice, read some more "four loves", and had the
super bowl party: i made guacamole and chips, rena and lindsay made this awesome bean dip, and amanda and alicia made INCREDIBLE (stolen from st, peter's) apple pie....drooooooooooool

yeah, so great weekend...sad it's over...but looking forward many more to come.
NOW, if i can just get through another week of work...haha, story of my life. ah well...c'est la vie

not really...it's not quite the society i'm looking for (not that it was the one that more was either), but then again, neither is locke's...between reading the 2nd treatise and utopia, i've been thinking a lot about society and government and just people living together as communities and, well, people in general. i mean locke's absolutism of government but anti-absolutism of anything else and complete replacement of divine absolutism with governmental doesn't quite seem right to me. maybe it's just that i don't want to believe in a world that is run completely by 'reason' and humans, where there is no need to turn to a higher authority...it's scary that man would be the highest authority, but maybe that's only because in our current state we are irrational. and then there's the whole private property thing... both are against it, but it's not to keep a hierarchy from forming...certainly not...so why? it would seem to prevent greed. so is this to keep that community feel--working for the best of the community, communal investment? john henry started talking about this whole private property thing and how innately man wants to make things for himself...labour for himself and see results. but here you can't. and then i starting thinking about intellect as private property...like in both societies you're allowed to invest in your mind and knowledge...and i remembered what mrs. fontaine said all those years ago about education as an investment in yourself. hmmm...yeah none of that made any sense i'm sure...just thoughts that are swimming in my mind trying to become ideas.

anyway...today was ok...went to st peter's gym, read, wrote postcards/letters, read, ate, read, colloquium, read, talked online to people, and now about to read yet again. and now, back to the books and praying that i'll be able to get my essays done for thursday (as the topics are super difficult and i'm having a hard time understanding anselm and organizing the art history info. not worth stressing over though...just have to keep trying...)
bah...the renovations and additions i've been making to this property in between my ears sure are tiring, but hopefully worth it ;)

so last week ended well and this one is off to a good start. yesterday pretty much ruled because, first of all, i got to take communion at st. ebbes and i hadn't had communion for like 4 months, so i was definitely overdue. and then i had a soccer game, and WE WON!!! not just barely, but 6 to nothing!!! for the first half i played center full back, and then for the second the coach moved me up to left wing and so i got to take some shots (none of them went in, i kept kicking too hard so they all went over...need to practice shooting) and got an assist. It was just a good time overall. then i went back, did some reading of utopia and made amazing pizza no. 2 with amanda.
today i had nothing to look forward to except finishing utopia, reading some more tom jones, and reading <> by anselm of canterbury, however, on my way to lunch, i was pleasantly surprised to find MAIL!!!!!!!!! and not just any mail, but a postcard from moni and a letter written IN CALIGRAPHY from nick

as if this weren't exciting enough, i'm walking back from lunch with dan, fred, and monica (different monica) and dan goes, 'hey liz there's a package for you.' and sure enough, there's a package, also from moni...SOOO EXCITING!!!!
so i run upstairs and open it, and here's what i found:

2 pkgs of reeses (yes one is missing because courtney and i ate it, a seal and wax (which i've been wanting actually! go moni! esp?!?!?)

and this crazy cool sparkly shirt (eiffel tower?? check that out!!! it's being sparkly!!!...oh moni i miss you and you're silly narrations on mini videos)
that has all these gold sequins on the top...here's me in it (and no i'm not turning into one of those girls who takes a million pictures of herself (i hope...) and i feel silly for having to take it in a mirror and i wasn't trying to be all artsy, it's just that it was too hard to prop it up and use the self timer and i felt stupid asking someone else to take it...so yeah)

here's me in the shirt, bedazzled by the sparkliness (which you can't see so well in the photo, but trust me, there indeed is some major sparkledge going on)

so after that, i met with dr. crowe, becca, and ben to discuss locke a bit more, finished utopia, talked to alisa and my lil bro online for a while bc both got food poisoning (bizarro, i know!) poor guys! i so wished i could teleport and take care of them, but alas, i do not have such talents. so instead i just talked to them for a while. then i finished book one of tom jones, made yummy chicken pasta with amanda, and read anselm's on truth. and now here i am ready to go to bed so that i'll have the energy to get everything done that needs to get done tomorrow (which i'll have you know is quite a lot) but i have a good feeling about this week. and it's not often that you get those feelings on mondays. it takes a special person to make monday more than just mediocre.

Current Mood:	amused
Current Music:	rachmaninov

i woke up to the sun peaking through the crack where the curtains didn't quite overlap and with the feeling that this day, as happens every so often, holds much potential. i'm sore from our game yesterday against some british guys, but not as bad as i thought i was going to be. definitely have some pretty bad bruises. had some granola in the common room and read some elizabeth jennings poetry that i got from the bookshelf in there. plans for today: going to the cast museum (made in 19th c. for art students to go and sketch/study copies of antiquated sculptures) and doing some drawing, cmrs soccer game at 1:30, working on the painting with lindsay, reading of tom jones or utopia, and hanging out and playing games tonight with people. better get a move on though. i'll put up my drawings later.

Stargazers and Others
(Elizabeth Jennings)

One, staring out stars
Lost himself in looking an almost
Forgot glass, eye, air, space;
Simply, he thought, the world is improved
By my staring, how the still glass leaps
When the sky thuds in like tides.

Another, making love, once
Stared so far over his pleasure
That woman, world, the spiral
Of taut bodies, the clinging hands, broke apart
And he saw, as the stargazer sees,
Landscapes made to be looked at,
Fruit to fall, not be plucked.

In you also something
Of such vision occurs.
How else would I have learnt
The tapered stars, the pause
On the nervous spiral? Names I need
Stronger than love, desire,
Passion, pleasure. O discover
Some star and christien it, but let me be
The space that your eye moves over.

so i definitely am waking up in 4 hours so that i can write my essay on the relationship between altarpieces' subjectmatter and catholic ritual/practice during the italian renaissance. i definitely have gotten into the same situation that happened all too frequently last term and need to snap out of it quickly before it turns into a dangerous cycle of procrastination. well i always get my work done, it just would be nice to have time to breathe in between finishing a paper and turning it in. so yeah my goal for this week is to start early.
best part of today: seminar with dr. crowe and discussing locke's 2nd treatise on government...it almost blew my mind away and my conception of power (with absolutism being abhored) in religion and politics and how this plays into the contemporary state of western society (in particular that of the u s of a) was totally shaken and my mind is buzzing with the attempt to process all the intriguing concepts that locke puts forth that, with the help of dr. crowe, i am on the edge of being on the edge of being on the edge of being able to grasp. i do love that feeling of total intellectual overload though, as long as there exists the potential of eventually making sense of it all. becca and ben and i are the only ones in the seminar and always feel like an hour and a half is too short of a time to discuss the monumental, complex works that we are reading, so we decided tonight to ask dr. crowe if on fridays he would like to meet with us over coffee for some further discussion time. hopefully it will be a yes. okay, time is ticking, must...get...some...sleep...so...i...can...produce...decent...paper...

though the picture games totally blew my 8 year old mind. that was definitely the best part about going to the dentist, looking at highlights in the waiting room. that and eating chocolate 5 seconds out of the door. but anyway, yesterday and today have pretty much consisted of reading and trying to write my essays...not the most exciting. these were a few highlights that made them more bearable:

yesterday:
mailing out packages
buying 12 postcards for moni and doing something special to them...hehe you'll find out when you get them ;)
getting the last box of popcorn from sainsbury's local to satisfy a late night craving (amanda with her amazing vision spotted it and i was forever indebted)
sharing a bottle of 3 GBP sainsbury's white wine with alicia to make locke's 2nd treatise on gov't a bit more palatable

today:
going for a run in the morning that lasted all of ten minutes because i realized it doesn't feel especially good running and trying to breathe in frigid air
lindsey saying that my ipod was the most ghetto fabulous one she's ever seen...
here it is being all gangsta-like

understanding boethius' argument on aristotle's definitions of genera and species
cmrs version of cold stone's icecream making with lindsey, caitlin, john henry, alicia, courtney and ruth
spending about a half hour trying to write out meghan's address in china (in chinese) on the package that i meant to send a month ago...it probably looks like a five year old's writing...man frances where are you when i need you...i wish i could carry a mini version of you in my pocket everywhere for moments like this...and i guess moments in general!
here's my poor attempt:

well i better get to bed because tomorrow's going to be a busy day, between writing two papers and seminar. such is life...though i suppose not procrastinating would help.
ooh ooh i almost forgot the best moment today: while i was on duty, checking to make sure all the doors were locked before writing this and retiring for the night, i was trying to whistle and was able to do a poor rendition (but a rendition nonetheless--like notes were coming out of my mouth!) of the opera piece delibes: lakme (flower duet)...i don't know if i mentioned it before but one of my new years resolutions is to learn how to whistle. so yeah...i'm on my way!

so i definitely feel like i rolled down a flight of stairs...like i have all these tender spots and sore muscles...but i guess that's what hapens when you have soccer practice, a game and then go out dancing. however, though i might not be feeling physically the best, i'm feeling pretty darn emotionally/spiritually/intellectually good, which i'd much rather feel i think, and this is why:
thursday night i went to st. ebbe's bible study and LOVED it--the structure, the girls in my small group, everything about it...it's exactly what i've been looking for and i'm defintely going back next week; and after i went to g & d's with alicia (a girl in cmrs) and had a great conversation--it's so nice to have christian friends too.
friday i had soccer practice which was really fun, took it easy, was on duty and worked on a painting i've been trying to finish, relaxed with people.
saturday i had a soccer game and played the whole game (hence the soreness) and though we lost, it was a good time and i realized how much i miss playing games--it's been about four years since i played in a real, true blue game like with a ref and real goals and so on. so yeah that was pretty cool. and then that night about 12 of us went to this club (my first in oxford) called the bridge, which was quite fun, just getting to know people and do some silly dancing, etc. then when we got back we watched "in the name of the father" (really good movie, sad and intense, but great)
today--day of rest, napped, talked to the family (said goodbye to ben...he's going back to south korea awwww we'll miss him and his ho ho ho laugh!)
so yeah, now i just need to get my work done for this week, namely:
reading john locke's second treatise on government for wednesday
and writing two essays for thursday, one on the altarpiece in Italy during the High Renaissance and the other on Boethius' writings on Porphyry's Isagoge

that's about all i've got for now. hasta luego.

oh and one more thing, betty boop says hello and boop boop ba doo to PEARL and BOB, and also that there is some mail that needs to be sent their way, but an address must be obtained in order for this to take place...perhaps an email could be arranged?

finished my med phil essay this morning. now i just have one more to go before tomorrow night. also had the first colloquium with philpott, which was semi-interesting (and this doodle is a product of). we had to read "on the dignity of man" by pico. he's pretty arrogant and seems like he's just trying to get someone to argue with him. you know how some people are just like that. maybe i'm just not a true debater and certainly would never make a good lawyer. i guess i'm only willing to invest my emotions into something i really believe in or care about. so tonight is basically going to consist of doing some more reading on vasari so that i can write my essay tomorrow. i'm not too worried. i've done like nearly 10 hours of reading and the essay is going to be difficult, but it is the first essay, so my tutor should be semi-lenient on me. plus my philosphy one didn't take nearly as long as i thought it would, so i'm kind of ahead of myself. no real interesting stories for today. i did wake up this morning on the verge of tears because i dreamt that i had cancer and had one day to live and was running late to my eigth grade graduation and was getting yelled at by the lady who was driving me, and i was like "look be nice to me, i'm about to die!!!" bizarro. and i did get an email i wasn't expecting. so today was pretty darn good compared to my dream, even if nothing that exciting happened.

this is a drawing i did in like 2 minutes of myself. this is what i looked like for probably 70% of today. for the next couple of days i think i'm going to be performing a disappearing act...it's really quite easy to disappear amongs the piles of books at the bodley and sackler. so much reading to do. I literally spent about 6-7 hours reading today and missed dinner because i was at the library, and i still have probably 4 more hours of reading to do for art history and i have to write my essay for that and an essay for philosophy as well. oh man. well i guess this is what i came here for. boy am i glad that i got to have fun last semester and goof off because i think my workload this term is going to be like three times as intense, and it was fairly intense last term. ah well. at least it's pretty interesting. like today, i was reading about vasari, (16th c.) who was really the first art historian pretty much and majorly influenced the western conception of art. anyway, i read excerpts from his volumes and then essays about him and the accuracy of his work. soooo yeah, i just had a dinner break...pesto pasta, yummm and so good because i was famished. and in about five minutes i'm back to the books. i feel like hermione. haha. ah the magical nature of studying! pshhhh yeah right. i wish.

i said i'd do laundry today, because many of my clothes smell like smoke. no i have not been smoking, but between people smoking in the common room and going to the hookah bar last night my pants and shirts reek, and despite my putting them in a duffle bag way in the corner of my closet there still is a tinge of ashy-smell in the air. but i didn't get to doing laundry this morning because i didn't wake up until about 11:30 due to our late night of fun last night (hookah bar, wine and big lebowski) and also didn't have detergent because i left it at alix's. instead i went to st. peter's brunch for the first time since i've been in oxford and then went to paul's with amanda for a hot cocoa party. it was fun and relaxing and perfect for this overcast day. i did kind of make the effort on our way back by stopping at sainsbury's to buy detergent that came in a bright blue box in the form of giant tablets that look like children's tylenol x 10 to the fourth power. and as we were walking back i was looking at my box and saw that there was a little square with five red stars in it and a dotted line around it and instructions to cut it out. but no where did it say what these five fun persil stars were good for. and it made think about how we are constantly bombarded with instructions...basic, intellectual, physical, spiritual, moral...like all the time...from useless ones like these to the email that my tutor sent me yesterday with a fifty mile long (that's a severe exaggeration) reading list for my first essay. and a whole lot of them are a waste of time and a whole lot of them you have to follow so as not get into trouble, and some (the best ones) are hard to follow and sometimes hard to find, but following them is perhaps the best decision you could ever make. this world is kind of like that drawer (you know you have that one drawer) that you throw all those instructional manuals that you never take the time to read but feel like you ought to keep just in case...all the answers are there, somewhere, but it's a matter of knowing where to look. or are all the answers there? is there a time when you ought to write your own instructions? is it enough to just pick and choose which ones to follow? are our lives just a series of events resulting from a unique collage of requests made of us? i'm not sure. i do know that that was as far as i got to doing my laundry, because when i got back there were other people using the machines, so i talked to my parents and then went to dinner, and then drew this picture. one of my goals for myself this term is do one drawing or sketch or painting a day, ideally related to something i saw that day or how i'm feeling. and right now i'm feeling good, though i need to get to work. i have both my tutorials on thursday, each requiring an essay, though my medieval philosophy one has to be UNDER 1000 words, which actually might be more difficult because i have to be concise and focused. it's on city of god and how augustine's proof of the existence of god works. my italian renaissance art history one is on vasari and all the texts are in the bodleian and sackler which means that that's where i'll be just about all of tomorrow. i like my tutors--they're both getting their ph. ds here and in their late twenties--and think i'm going to be challenged and learn a lot this term.
sooo yeah...right now i'm on duty again (my first night was on friday) which means that i'm sitting in my room typing this up with the keys to everything in cmrs and the old school nokia sitting on my desk, and they're hoping and i'm hoping that they won't have to be used tonight. maybe i'll go check the laundry room...

yeah i'm wishing i could fly right about now. i really want to see alisa's new puppy ..and alisa of course, and i've been thinking about vanessa a lot and would check in on her, and would just kind of make the rounds across the nation to see all the people i care about. i'm not tired right now and would definitely make the trip if i had such skills. but alas i don't possess skills like that. and bowstaff skills and nunchuck skills are not going to help much when it comes to this.

but i'm also still glad to be in england. today was nice. i woke up a half-hour late for breakfast, so i ended up going to this really great cafe that i overlooked last term called "the nosebag". the environment is totally conduscive to studying (like soft classical music in the background). i got the tea and scones
and did some reading. after i came back to cmrs, wasn't hungry for lunch, so just read and finished tartuffe and got half way through the miser. went running with paul, went to dinner, came back and talked to people. played cranium, talked some more, and then, because i was absolutely famished, went to G & Ds for a late night snack/treat with my roommate (her first time there...aw how precious) and amanda. here's my roommate, courtney, eating her ice cream

here's amanda eating her ice cream

here's me and courtney

here's me and amanda

and best of all, here's me and the guy with the blow-up penguin which i have decided should be named wilbur and nick says milton, so it's milton wilbur
.
and that is all for tonight. i must get back to the miser and on the dignity of man. up up and away...to the seminar room.

so today was a very good day. woke up around 11 (tired from last night's activities...quiz night, late night flavor chicken run, socializing, schmoozing and boozing in the jcr, you know how that goes) to a beeeeee-utiful day--like clear skies and sun. yeah i know, pretty hard to believe, but would i lie? okay...well would i lie about this? no no. got up and finished unpacking and finally organizing all my stuff and talked to a few people online, went to lunch and had some really good conversations with some of the new people (i'm starting to get to know certain individuals and they seem nice and like good people to hang out with which is great), came back and finished cleaning, went to cafe nero with becca and ben with the aspiration of finishing tartuffe though we ended up talking for about an hour about random things...like economic policies and the even greater depression that almost happened in the early '80s, revolution, an upcoming renaissance, definitions of art, and the standardization of living/recreational/leisure environments and whether this curbs the desire to be creative/different or rather provides the ideal atmosphere for monumental change...yeah random, but really interesting. i read like 10 pages of moliere there, and then left around 4:30 so that i could go back to st michael's, drop my stuff off, and then go for a run before dinner and darkness (dusk being around 5:00 these days). when i came back i was pleasantly surprised to find out that i got hired by cmrs to be one of the asst. junior deans, which means that i'm getting paid 500 pounds for the semester to hang around cmrs 2-3 nights a week. it's a really sweet deal and my bank account is smiling from ear to ear right now. i really needed it and am soooo grateful. so yeah, then i ran about 2 miles around oxford, went to dinner, talked to alisa on the phone, booked my flight home (MONI I'M GOING TO BE THERE FOR 15 WHOLE DAYS WAHOOOOOOOO), took a much needed shower, was instructed by lisa on the ins and outs of cmrs and junior dean info (i definitely got to go into all these mysterious rooms that i had no idea existed behind certain doors...hehe), watched dane cook live in the jcr with about 15 other people, and now here i am, in bed, about to read a bit more tartuffe. so yeah, overall a good day, worthy of a happy jump like the one in the pic taken of my bro and i in greenwich...we actually look semi-normal jumping which is quite an accomplishment for the cahill kids. let me tell you, it is quite an accomplishment indeed.